So I found a story that I wrote about 3 years ago…
I must’ve been on crack when I wrote this…like seriously:
"We’re almost there!" said Kon as he threw his spaghetti noodle against the window. Kon’s brother Putt just sat there preoccupied with his muffin basket. Finally, Kon said, "Putt! Focus! We’re heading to the gumdrop kingdom. There, you’ll have all the corn dogs you’ll ever need!" Putt didn’t listen, he was too busy with his blog.
"I want a puppy." said Kon.
"What kind?" asked Putt.
"The potato kind."
"Potatoes are neat."
"So is grapefruit."
Kon hated grapefruit. One look at his butt, and one could easily tell that he hated kittens. Putt jumped into his toilet seat and licked his foot with peanut butter on it. A sandwhich. “Huzah! I have perfected my infinite pickle generator!” said Kon. When in fact he had not really done so. Kon woke up his mother Fil who was obese and actually a frog. “What?!” said Putt.
"I need more sprinkles! Fetch me my long johns!"
Fil sat quietly and watched the two brothers as they hit each other with salmon bits.
Without warning, Fil had exploded! Chicken nuggets flew all throughout the yard, satisfying the wants and needs of most meal worms.
The stars started to fall. The sun transformed into a big robot. And the moon drooled all over my turkey bacon! Curse you, moon! That was my lunch!
The moon felt no remorse for ruining the only food I had since 4 A.M.! I wanted a sandwich!! Get me one now!!!
And chocolate…Yes, lots and lots of chocolate!!
Kon lifted his large stack of Post-It’s, each of them labled “Pink tape!” His hands started to swell up. Apparently, Kon was allergic to Hamburger Helper! Oh no! Kon was in danger!
"Help me!" said Kon, through his slightly imflamed mouth. Putt ran to the closet, hoping he would find a roll of brown toilet paper. Kon had recovered quickly. He said as he fried his bananas, "I want a Slurpee. Putt, go get the Sasquatch!"
Now, I want a Slurpee! Somebody go get me one! That means you, person listening to me read this story!
Anyways, the rabbit escaped from the sandbox and Putt went to get the chocolate syrup. “Where’s the pancakes?!” yelled Putt. Kon responded, “I’m a vegetarian!”
"But I want gravy!"
"You want more Pop Tarts!"
"No I don’t! Styrofoam gives me gas!"
"How about some laxitives?"
"No beans! Get me a lemon wedge!"
"Why do you want a marshmallow?!"
In the midst of their argument, Yella came and smacked Putt on the left pant leg.
It was all over.
Yella had at last become the queen of Djibouti. Cole slaw! It was not over! The fried chicken had yet to be a cumquat!
No! This couldn’t be! I loved lemurs, and I wanted to eat them all!
"Hold on to my arm, and pick my nose!" yelled Kon.
Putt responded, “Eww no! Your arm probably has germs on it!”
Kon whispered back, “Do you have any ketchup?”
I love the taste of metal. It made me want more lemur sandwiches. However, one question still remained; “Where in the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!”